Fire Emblem: Hello everyone. How are you all doing~! This is Fire Emblem!! I hope all you listeners are in a good mood because I’m in a fiery wonderful mood! You’ll understand why in a bit. I’ll give you a hint though. It’s Ha-nd-so-me~☆
(sparkle sfx)
Fire Emblem: More than that, you, who got your hands on this CD, you sure are fire lucky! Not only do you get to listen to my absolutely spe~cial broadcast, you also get to indulge in Handsome’s beautiful voice. So, are you ready? Leeeeet’s go! This is a TIGER & BUNNY’s special collaboration with Domino’s Pizza! With the fiery heat of passion, our hearts and pizza will be cooked to perfection! No matter if you are a boy or girl, be careful of getting burned~ Faiyaaaan~ This is Fire Emblem’s Love Advice Room~!!
(party noises sfx)
Fire Emblem: No matter how much time passes, what intrigues me the most as a woman has to be love~. Everyone, are you in love? And moi? Well that’s a se-cer-et ☆. This program is where Fire Nee-san gives upfront advice to you listeners about love. And to make it clear, I am Fire Nee-san, not Fire Grandma, got it? And good news, we have a guest, a very extra special guest today! I’ve been unable to contain my excitement since this morning. Let me get to the chase and introduce them~. The captive of every girl’s heart, the Super Rookie of Heroes, Barnaby Brooks Jr.!!
Barnaby: Hi everyone. This is the rookie hero, Barnaby Brooks Jr.
(sfx of light shining)
Fire Emblem: You… No matter how many times I see you, you continue to be a fine-looking man~.
Barnaby: Oh, Thank… Um, uh don’t- don’t you think you’re a little too close…
Fire Emblem: Oh apologies. But you are such a fine man~ I don’t think there is any other man in the world who wears glasses and looks as handsome as you.
Barnaby: Thank you. I’m quite fond of these glasses and currently own five with the same frame.
Fire Emblem: Oh my! If you’re the type to excessively consume a single thing then you may be a passionately dedicated type when it comes to love~. I’m adding another point to your handsome-ness score!!
Barnaby: (awkward) T- thank you…
Fire Emblem: Today is a special program so I will be asking everything that is on the listeners’ minds!! Barnaby, do you have a girlfriend?
Barnaby: I am a hero for everyone so I cannot be a hero for a single person..
Fire Emblem: Fiyaaaaaaaaaaah!! Augn, the perfect response from the fabulous super hero!!
Barnaby: It’s the truth.
Fire Emblem: Oh, is that so~? So this means that you are currently single~?
Barnaby: Correct.
Fire Emblem: Wonderful! Maybe I should get a divorce then!!
Barnaby: I apologize but I am, once again, everyone’s hero.
Fire Emblem: Oh you~. You don’t need to feel shy about your answer just because everyone is curious about you.
Barnaby: That’s um- not the reason.
Fire Emblem: Let’s save the conclusion of our love life as a surprise then~.
Barnaby: (sighs)
Fire Emblem: Back to the broadcast! Time for us to listen to the first submission about love advice!! From the pen name, ‘Wild Tiger is so cool’.
Barnaby: A Wild Tiger fan? That’s pretty rare. I’ll let Tiger-san know about this.
Fire Emblem: (mumbles in a low voice) So you’re the type that’s more pleasant about those who are not present.
Barnaby: Huh?
Fire Emblem: (silence) It’s nothing. Let’s see what they wrote. “Hello Fire Nee-san.” Hello hello! Hello to you too dear~.
Barnaby: (mumbling) Fire Nee-san…
Fire Emblem: “I have a crush on this boy that is not only cool looking, but he built a company from the ground up despite his young age. With good looks, a wonderful occupation, and vast wealth, he is the perfect man. To me who has okay-ish looks and was raised in a normal household, he is too far out of my reach. But I want him to look at me despite that! Fire Nee-san please give me advice!! There must be hope for me, right!?” I see. Do you have any advice to offer, Barnaby?
Barnaby: There’s nothing to do but have her take matters into her own hands.
Fire Emblem: Hey, saying that defeats the purpose of this broadcast, no?
Barnaby: That reminds me, isn’t Fire Emblem-san also a CEO of a company-
Fire Emblem: Aaaaah!! Aah ah oeehyuuu!! Barnaby! No matter how special this broadcast is, that information is off limits!! Listen to me, ‘Wild Tiger is cool’. Things like looks or money or intellect— they don’t actually matter in the end! What’s important is that you recognize what your strengths are. There is only a single ‘you’ that exists in this world! Nobody can replace you!! Nobody on this planet has the same special strengths as you do!! You must find those strengths within yourself and acknowledge them!! Once you do that, you and your strengths will continue to shine and even he will be able to sense it! And when his eyes land on you, there is no way he will be able to walk away!
Barnaby: That’s correct. Each person has a different sense of self value. I don’t think there is a need for you to expect what you value to be what he values as well.
Fire Emblem: Exactly. I feel like you also said that to Tiger a lot.
Barnaby: That is because his values are polar opposites to mine.
Fire Emblem: (coughs) You don’t need to be that mean about it.
Barnaby: I’m not saying that to be mean.
Fire Emblem: Is that so… Anyway, I'm starting to become hungry after giving that passionate speech. (stomach grumbles)
Barnaby: Oh, I agree. I’m hungry too.
Fire Emblem: At times like this we need… Domino’s Pizza! Let’s order some delicious pizza.
Barnaby: Let’s order online then.
Fire Emblem: Oh my~ you’re so quick Barnaby! Very different compared to Tiger-
Barnaby: Of course I am different. Please do not put me in the same category as him.
Fire Emblem: Ordering over the phone isn’t bad but ordering online has many more perks, from having access to online coupons or being able to order from the online-limited special menu.
Barnaby: Exactly.
Fire Emblem: Alright then. Do (keyboard click) mi (click) no (click) pi (click) zza (click). Search! (click) Let’s check out the menu~. What would you like, Barnaby?
Barnaby: Hmm, they all look so delicious that it’s hard to choose. Oh, I’d like to have the limited edition Quattro Formaggi Pizza.
(Stereotypical Italian music plays)
Fire Emblem: A pizza that contains the four toppings of camembert! Blue Cheese! Gouda! And mozzarella!! Recommended for those who prefer to enjoy the simple combination of cheese and dough, and it pairs well with wine~ How fancy of you~.
Barnaby: Ahaha. What will you choose, Fire Emblem?
Fire Emblem: After being able to see you up close so much, I’m in a Mediterranean vibe so I think I’ll choose the newest item on the menu: the Mediterranean Risotto~. Apparently the al dente texture of the risotto is unbelievably addicting!
Barnaby: What even is a… Mediterranean vibe… Regardless, I’m putting in your order! (clicks) The order has been sent.
Fire Emblem: Oh thank you so much~. Ordering online is so useful~.
Barnaby: Yes.
Fire Emblem: To everyone listening, order your domino pizzas online, okay?
(slashing sfx)
Fire Emblem: (aggressive) h-tee-tee-pee-colon-slash-slash-double u-double u-double-u-dot-dominos-dot-jay-pee (http://www.dominos.jp)
(sharp sfx)
Fire Emblem: (sweet) You can find it by searching ‘domino’s pizza’ too ♡. Alright! Let’s read the next message while we are waiting for the pizza to arrive!
Barnaby: Please go ahead.
Fire Emblem: A question from the pen name, “Captivated by Barnaby”-chan. I’m head over heels for the fashionable, cool, and handsome Barnaby-sama! What’s today’s fashion point, Barnaby-sama? (low tone) Wait. Where’s my greeting?
Barnaby: (awkward) Ahaha, don’t think about too hard. If I were to choose something, it would have to be my belt. It’s a shame I cannot show it to the listeners.
Fire Emblem: (low tone) Hold up, this has nothing to do with romance!!
(knock)
Guy: This is Domino’s Pizza with your order of Quattro Formaggi Pizza and Mediterranean Risotto!
Fire Emblem: Oh my~ what a wo~nderful smell. It looks delicious right?
Barnaby: (sighs and whispers) Perfect timing. (out loud) Let’s dig in!
(soda can being cracked open)
Fire Emblem: Thank you for the meal!
Barnaby: Thank you for the meal.
(eating sfx)
(Fire Emblem hums)
Barnaby: So this is Quattro Formaggi.
Fire Emblem: Mm. (slurps) Mmmhmmnm! Mnnhmn! Faiyaaaaaah!
Barnaby: Delicious. The flavor of the assorted cheeses are absolutely perfect. Oh!! Is the pizza artisan who thought of this pizza combination a NEXT!?
Fire Emblem: Delicioooooous!! (slurps) Mmmhnmn! Mnnhn. (slurps) It’s so gooood-iyaaaaan!!
Barnaby: Mmm! It’s delicious!
Fire Emblem: (mouth full of food) The flavor of the Mediterranean~
Barnaby: (mouth full of food) It’s a perfect combination.
Fire Emblem: I can’t get enough of this~
(continues to eat food)
(funky music plays)
Fire Emblem: Oh my, it’s already this late? (slurps) Thank you listeners for sticking around till the very end. It upsets me to tell you all that the broadcast is coming to an end. Handsooooome~
Barnaby: Thank you for the meal.
Fire Emblem: (moans) The Wild Tiger that came up in today’s conversation has appeared on this broadcast before so don’t forget to get your hands on that recording if you are interested in it.
Barnaby: (stern) Please give it a listen. Whenever you are bored.
Fire Emblem: And with that, thank you everyone! Good night!!
Barnaby: See ya!!