Kotetsu: TIGER & BUNNY. Special Audio Drama. Suppose the Heroes were a Family Part 2: The Neighbor of Terror.
Kotetsu: This is a tale about our family plus one. A bit silly, but still an extremely cool tale about our daily lives.
Kotetsu: First, allow me to introduce my beloved family.
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(birds chirping)
Keith: Oh geez, I’m so busy.
Kotetsu: We will start with my beloved wife, Keith. A mom of such a large family has no weekdays or holidays! Even now, he is hanging up the family laundry all by himself!
Keith: Hmm, it’s not drying as fast as I’d like. Alright then - skyyy hiiigh!!
Kotetsu: Thanks for your daily work, and again, thanks. But all of our laundry got blown away…
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Kotetsu: Now for my beloved children. First there’s Nathan, my eldest daughter. It’d be nice if I heard some news about marriage soon but…
Nathan: Oh no, I’m growing hair on my legs again! Fiiire-shock!
Kotetsu: Seems like there’s still a while to go before we get there.
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Karina: This is horrible! Who used my shampoo?
Kotetsu: This is my second beloved daughter, Karina. I’m the one who used her shampoo but she’s scary when she’s mad so let’s keep it a secret.
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Pao-Lin: Hey hey! I can do three somersaults in a row!
Kotetsu: This kid is my beloved youngest daughter, Pao-Lin. Her physical ability is so incredible, she’s probably in the world’s top 5!
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Kotetsu: And now for my beloved eldest son...
Barnaby: Just in case, let’s wait until it is delivered. I apologize, I deeply regret that I have wasted three minutes of your life.
Kotetsu: That’s Barnaby. I’m happy to see that he’s become more lively recently.
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Kotetsu: And finally there's our beloved grandpa, Antonio.
Antonio: Y’all, come and look at my flesh! Rock sholid! Wanna touch, do ye?
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Kotetsu: Oh come on, let’s calm down with the usual booing! Though I agree that it’s a bit, eh, for him to introduce himself like this every time…
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Ivan: Awooo…
Antonio: Hmm? What’s wrong Ivan?
Ivan: Wan wan!
Antonio: It’sh the fault of the stray dog!
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Kotetsu: We’re not sure if it’s because of old age but his conversations with Ivan have become a family concern… Ah? Who’s Ivan? It’s the pet that just joined our family!
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Ivan: This is Ivan, the pet. I want to address the misunderstanding by saying that for some reason, I’m able to have a conversation with just Grandpa Antonio. Nobody believes him though…
Kotetsu: Well, this is my beloved family and we are about to be thrown into a wild incident! Uhh, wait a sec! And I’m the beloved daddy, Kotetsu! It’s my dream to be called daddy by my children.
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Pao-Lin: Grandpa! That’s unfair! Why is my allowance so little?
Antonio: Well, that’s cause… It’sh based on age?
Pao-Lin: This is discrimination!
Keith: Please be quiet. If you start yelling then the neighbor—
Karina: More than that! Who used my shampoo!
Kotetsu: Is it that big of a deal? It’s just sham—
Karina: No it is! That shampoo was expensive!
Keith: Please be quiet.
Ivan: Wan wan wan!
Keith: Or else our neighbor…
Ivan: More importantly, when is dinner…
Nathan: Papa! You were looking at my legs, weren’t you!
Kotetsu: No I wasn’t!
Nathan: Liar! Do you have a problem with them? Huh?
Keith: Please! Or else the neighbor—
Barnaby: Can you please be quiet? I can’t go on a call with all this noise around me.
Ivan: Hey, where’s dinner?
Pao-Lin: Give me more money!
Antonio: Uwooo don’t be selfish!
Karina: Give me back my shampoo!
Nathan: Don’t look! Don’t look at my legs!
Barnaby: Be quiet—
Keith: That’s right! Or else the neighbor will—
Kotetsu: HEY! STOP TALKING ALL AT ONCE!
(ding dong. Ding dong ding dong)
Kotetsu: Hmm? Who’s ringing our doorbell so late at night?
Keith: Is it by chance…and by chance again…
Everyone: Eh?
Keith: Papa?
Kotetsu: Ou?
(opens the door)
Yuri: Good afternoon.
Kotetsu: Ou! Good afternoon to you too, Mr. Yuri.
Yuri: Um, can you please be quiet?
Kotetsu: Eh?
Yuri: How many times do I have to warn you? Your rowdiness is making it hard for me to read.
Kotetsu: Ahhhh.. I’m sorry about that. Hey, you guys apologize too!
Everyone: We’re sorry.
Yuri: The next time this happens again, I will file a noise complaint and get the court involved.
(door closes)
Keith: See! I told you all to be quiet!
Antonio: Eh um… Who was that?
Keith: Keep it together Grandpa! It’s our neighbor, Mr. Yuri.
Antonio: Oh!
Nathan: Just what was that? Threatening to bring us to court over some loud talking.
Barnaby: I’d like to see him take that to court.
Karina: Wow. He’s kinda scary.
Keith: Don’t say that. We’re the ones at fault.
Karina: But like!
Keith: Afterall, he lives in his apartment and I’m sure it gets lonely…
Pao-Lin: Oh, there’s also this rumor going around with my friends that ‘that’ appears.
Kotetsu: What’s ‘that’?
Pao-Lin: A ghost!
Karina: A ghost!?
Everyone: Shh!
Karina: Ahh…
Kotetsu: That’s irrelevant. More importantly, it’s late so, everyone! Get to bed!
Everyone: Yeees.
-
Kotetsu: Nobody had any idea that this would be the omen to what came next. Several days later…
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Pao-Lin: Get ready to fetch, Ivan!
Ivan: Ugh, I’m tired. I wanna go home… Why do humans want dogs to fetch balls all the time?
Pao-Lin: Sa!
Ivan: Wan wan wan!
Pao-Lin: Good job Ivan! Here’s food!
Ivan: Oh, I’m so full… But it’d also be rude to not eat…
Pao-Lin: You’re such a good eater, Ivan! I think you and I are pretty similar. Alright, I’m gonna throw it! Horryah!
Pao-Lin: Oh… Oh no… It fell into the neighbor's house… Ivan, what should we do?
Ivan: What am I supposed to answer that with…
Pao-Lin: Guess I have no choice. Wait right here while I go get it.
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Pao-Lin: I wonder if Mr. Yuri is here.
(ding dong)
Pao-Lin: Or maybe he isn’t…
(ding dong ding dong)
Pao-Lin: Oh? It’s open.
Pao-Lin: Excuse me.
(walks in)
(fire sfx)
Pao-Lin: Uegh! What is this! A campfire inside the house? It’s kinda scary. Now the ball… There it is! Let’s leave before he notices!
Yuri: So that is your code of justice?
Pao-Lin: Huh? Huh!? Uwaaaa! Gh-ghost!
Yuri: Hear the voice of Thanatos!
Pao-Lin: Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!
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Nathan: You saw a ghost?
Pao-Lin: Yeah! It had these weird lips and gross eyes!
Keith: Are you sure it really was a ghost?
Pao-Lin: Really! I saw it with my own two eyes!
Kotetsu: Pao-Lin! You know it’s wrong to go into our neighbor’s house without permission!
Pao-Lin: …I’m sorry…
Karina: Let’s hurry up and move out of here!
Barnaby: Stop being ridiculous. We still have to pay off the loan for this house.
Karina: But there’s a ghost!
(ding dong)
Everyone: Aaaaaaah!
Kotetsu: Dah! Don’t scream all at once! It’s just the doorbell!
Keith: Papa! You answer, please?
Kotetsu: Urgh, fine.
(ding dong, ding dong ding dong ding dong)
Yuri: Good afternoon.
Kotetsu: Oh… Mr. Yuri. Did you come here by whim or…
Yuri: If you’re interested, please enjoy this meal with your family.
Kotetsu: Eh?
Yuri: I cooked too much, unfortunately.
Kotetsu: Oh thank you so much. Come on, you guys say your thanks too.
Everyone: Thank you very much.
Yuri: I hope you enjoy the moon tonight. Goodbye.
Nathan: What was that?
Karina: He’s never done that before, right?
Pao-Lin: Hey, open it up! Open it up!
Antonio: What’sh this?
Kotetsu: Umm, does this look black and unappealing to anyone else?
Pao-Lin: I don't even want to eat this…
Keith: I’m sure it tastes fine.
Barnaby: If that’s the case then… Mama, please taste it for poison.
Keith: Eh? Well I’m… I’m in the middle of a diet. So Grandpa! Try just a bite.
Antonio: I’ll really kick the bucket if I eat thish.
Kotetsu: It’s gonna require courage to eat this…
Barnaby: So who will take the first bite?
Everyone: Hmm.
Ivan: Grandpa Antonio, let me do it.
Antonio: Aye? No ye can’t!
Nathan: Hmm? What’s wrong with you?
Antonio: Ivan was shaying he’ll try a bite and…
Karina: Hey! You’re the worst Grandpa! Don’t force Ivan to try it!
Antonio: What I’m trying to shay is that Ivan said he would try it.
Pao-Lin: No way he said that!
Antonio: Aye, what I’m trying to tell ya’ll is…
Ivan: This is what needs to be done. As the new member of the family, I need to contribute somehow…
Nathan: Oh Ivan! Stop!
Karina: Aaaah… He ate it…
Ivan: Wan! Wan! Weo…weon…
Pao-Lin: Ivan! Are you okay?
Antonio: He’sh shaking!
Keith: Someone give me the phone! We need to call the vet!
Everyone: Yeah!
Ivan: (whimpering)
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Kotetsu: Ivan was taken to the veterinarian with Mama and Grandpa but…
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Nathan: I can’t believe him! To do something so cruel as retaliation!
Karina: I’ll never forgive him.
Pao-Lin: Papa! Get revenge for us!
Kotetsu: Eh? Even if you say that…
Barnaby: Let’s go Papa.
Kotetsu: Oi Bunny!
Barnaby: We’ll take him to court first.
Kotetsu: Court is a bit too—
Barnaby: Are you fine with this? After Ivan got hurt like that?
Kotetsu: Eh- well, um…
Barnaby: Aren’t you our daddy!?
Kotetsu: Ough… You’re right. Okay! Bunny, let’s go!
Barnaby: Yes!
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(ding dong)
Kotetsu: Mr. Yuri? This is your neighbor but… Can we have a bit of your time, please?
Yuri: What is it?
Barnaby: There’s something we’d like to discuss with you.
Yuri: Then come on in.
-
Yuri: Oh? So you accuse me of putting poison in the food.
Kotetsu: Well, Ivan got sick when he ate the food you brought so…
Yuri: Ha ha ha.
Barnaby: Why are you laughing?
Yuri: You are such a stupid being, unable to see through to the truth.
Kotetsu: Whaddyou say!?
Barnaby: Papa, please calm down. The results of the examination will be revealed soon and if they detect poison in Ivan’s system, then there is no way you’ll be innocent at court.
Yuri: Then let’s wait for it. See whether the flames of anger in your eyes are justified.
Kotetsu: Yooooou!!
Nathan: Papa! Barnaby!
Kotetsu: What are ya’ll doing here?
Karina: We just got a call from the vet!
Barnaby: And? Is Ivan safe? What were the results?
Karina: Well… They say the cause was over-eating.
Kotetsu: Aha! We told you Mr.— Wait. Over-eating?
Pao-Lin: Sorry… I think I’ve been feeding Ivan too much food.
Barnaby and Kotetsu: Huh!?
Barnaby: Then what about the food Mr. Yuri brought?
Nathan: I gave it a taste test and it was unbelie~vably delicious.
Yuri: I’m grateful that you enjoy it so much.
Barnaby and Kotetsu: We are very sorry.
Kotetsu: We accused you of something terrible without thinking.
Yuri: As long as you acknowledge the truth, then all is good. I’d like to return to my reading if this conversation is over.
Barnaby: I cannot express how sorry I am. And to have wasted important minutes of your life…
Kotetsu: Then let’s go home!
Kotetsu: Oh! That reminds me!
Yuri: What is it now?
Kotetsu: This may be unnecessary but, uh, my child has told me that she saw a ghost in your house…
Yuri: Ghost?
Kotetsu: Yeah. Right, Pao-Lin?
Pao-Lin: Yeah. It had these weird lips and gross eyes.
Barnaby: Does this description ring any bells?
Yuri: Unfortunately, I don’t entertain the idea of ghosts nor believe in them.
Kotetsu: Ah, sorry for bringing up a weird topic then. Goodbye!
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Yuri: Ha ha ha. Even tonight, I can hear Thanatos' voice.
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Kotetsu: Hm? Hmm!? Del’cious!
Nathan: Right?
Barnaby: Contrary to its appearance, it is unbelievably flavorful.
Antonio: Mr. Yuri livesh alone so of course hesh good at cooking.
Karina: And yet we were so rude to him…
Keith: As neighbors, we need to get along and become even more friendly.
Pao-Lin: Sorry. I’ll be more careful about giving Ivan food from here on too…
Ivan: No, it’s my fault for eating even when I was full.
Kotetsu: Let’s be careful from here on, alright?
Pao-Lin: Okay.
Ivan: Wan
Barnaby: Oh? A call from the office. Hello? Yes?
Antonio: Hmm? Ivan, when did ye get a gash on ye leg?
Ivan: Oh, haha, the stray dog got me and…
Antonio: Aye! That stray dog got ye again?
Karina: Grandpa’s talking to himself again.
Keith: That reminds me, you smell rather nice today Papa.
Kotetsu: Eh? Really?
Keith: Really. I don’t know if it’s just me, but your hair is soft too.
Karina: Wait. (sniffs) You smell like my shampoo!
Kotetsu: Dah!? The gigs up!
Keith: Please be quiet! Think about our neighbor!
Nathan: Iyaaan! Stop looking at my legs Papa!
Kotetsu: I’m not looking at your legs! Also, you should be calling me daddy! Call me daddy!
Karina: Hah? No way!
Antonio: I’ll get that stray dog for ye!
Keith: Please! The neighbor!
Ivan: Wan wan!
Barnaby: Please be quiet! I can’t speak on the phone if you are all so loud!
(ding dong)
Everyone: Ah…
Kotetsu: Wait here. Daddy will go.
Yuri: Good afternoon.
Kotetsu: Ou. Good afternoon Mr. Yuri.
Yuri: Can you please be quiet?
Everyone: We’re sorry.