Protecting The People Alone Does Not A Hero Make
WT: It’s been several days since the burglar menace Robin was arrested. Thanks to Barnaby’s amazing achievement we’ve become the talk of the town and the Tiger & Barnaby duo is now swarmed with work. But, well, that work isn’t exactly for the people’s sake...
WT: Public relations!? Mr Lloyds, what is that supposed to mean?
Lloyds: Barnaby has really made a name for himself with that Robin incident, so he’s getting all kinds of job offers now.
WT: Then send Barnaby alone to-
Lloyds: What are you talking about? You two come as a set. Detailed and steady PR work should make for a good start and provide some advertisement for our company at the same time.
B: Well then, what is our today’s itinerary?
Lloyds: First there’s the Monthly Hero interview at 10 AM. Then you are scheduled to have a guest appearance on Fire Emblem’s radio show at 1 PM and a gourmet show at 3 PM. At 6 PM you-
WT: Nonono... no, wait. We’re Heroes, so isn’t our work supposed to be, you know, protecting the people?
B: I see your perspective is as outdated as always.
WT: Wha?
Lloyds: Don’t think about it too hard. Look, you’re nothing but an addition to Barnaby here.
WT: Come on...! Please don’t talk about me like I’m some gravy or something...
Lloyds: Look, we don’t have the luxury to coddle you. And even if we had, now that Barnaby’s 24/7 in-depth documentary has started production we’re drowning in work.
WT: An in-depth documentary!?
Lloyds: I can’t believe it... It’s you who should be teaching Barnaby the tricks of the trade, not the other way around. Fine, just learn from him then.
WT: Nghh...
B: I am counting on you to behave today. Take care not to besmirch my name, will you?
WT: Yeesh, aren’t you a real moodmaker.
B: You do not know my feelings, believe me.
WT: Yeah, yeah. And I don’t want to know, you hear?
Lloyds: Alright, enough pointless chatter. I’m going to call us a car, so you two follow me.
WT: And so our nightmarish PR work has begun. First there’s that Monthly Hero interview...
Reporter: Okay, now for the next question. What are the impressions you have of each other?
WT: Umm...uh... er...yeah, well...
B: Even our NEXT powers are the same, so it really feels like we both have finally met a partner who can fill in what the other is missing. Am I right?
WT: You are.
Reporter: Robin’s arrest was really a sight to behold. Please tell us more about what you think is the most exciting part about being a Hero duo.
WT: Uhhh...ummmm...yeah, well...
B: Well, discovering and understanding each other’s true nature can only happen between two people. Everything is possible because the two of them are together. This is the ideal that we would like to show as Heroes.
WT: You’re right.
Reporter: Er, Wild Tiger... You’ve barely said a word except for “you’re right” so far.
WT: Um, you’re right.
Reporter: Thank you very much. Fine, let’s wrap it up for today...
WT: Huh?
B: Thank you for the invitation. We are leaving.
WT: W-wait...!
B: Care to explain your “answers” back there?
WT: That’s-! It’s because you said everything I wanted to say!
B: Really?
WT: Totally! You know, I’ve changed my mind about you. You really do think about us as a duo and-
B: That was-
BR: Hey, you. Can you get out of the way? My interview’s next.
WT: Oh, Blue Rose. Sooorry.
BR: What a drag.
WT: Huh, you think so too?
BR: “Too”?
WT: You’re pissed because you’re thinking “Why do Heroes have to do stuff like this”, right?
BR: I’m not you, so no! And it’s not like I wanted to become a Hero in the first place...
WT: Huh? What was that?
BR: It’s got nothing to do with you!
WT: The heck?
Lloyds: Hey, Barnaby, Tiger! Your next job is going to be starting soon, so hurry up!
B: Come, let’s go.
WT: Yessir... Geez, how about some consideration here...?
WT: Uh, excuse me for a sec.
Lloyds: What it is now? Don’t take too long.
WT: Yeah?
RB: Yo, it’s me. Antonio.
WT: Oh! What do you want?
RB: Well, I need to ask you something. Uh? You know, um... What were they called again...?
WT: I have no idea what “they” even is.
RB: Those mascots in the amusement park where the Robin incident happened. You know, mushroom-like and all. Get what I mean?
WT: Ah, them! Uh, um... What were they called...? Uuuhh... I’ve been forgetting things like mad lately.
B: Are you sure it’s not because of your age?
WT: Hey! For your information, I’m not old.
RB: Oi! Are you listening to me?
WT: For chrissakes, just look it up or something!
RB: That won’t do! Not training your memory makes your brain age even faster.
WT: Then why don’t you go train your memory and remember it yourself!? I’m a busy man!
RB: Hey! Wait!
Lloyds: We’ ve got to go, so hurry up. Our next stop is the radio station.
FE: Fire Emblem’s guest corner Pillow Talk! This week I got my guests to kindly wake me up, and our guests are these two!
WT: I’m Wild Tiger~
B: Hi, I am Barnaby Brooks Jr.
FE: Welcome. Normally we’re rivals, but getting together like this isn’t so bad once in a while.
B: You are quite right.
FE: I’m going to lay you naked today, you know?
WT: Hehe, go easy on us.
FE: But seriously, looking at you two like this, you both have very beautiful features. Know what I mean, Barnaby?
B: And yet you still eclipse us.
FE: Eh!?
B: I have never seen such smooth and fine skin.
FE: Oh my! You’re good! Just have many women and everybody else has your mouth seduced, I wonder?
B: Oh, please. I just said upfront what I felt. Also, by “everybody else” you mean...?
FE: Aww, embarrassed?
WT: You know, for my age my skin is-
FE: Well then, I’m afraid our time is up.
WT: Whaat!? Already!? But I haven’t said anything yet!
FE: I kinda ended up talking too long in the previous segment, so now we have no time left. My fiery apologies.
WT: Oh. Is that so...
B: Very well. Let us take it easy the next time we meet then.
FE: Oh, definitely! Okay everyone, our guests today were Barnaby and Tiger.
Lloyds: Barnaby, you were simply amazing!
B: Thank you.
WT: Hey, why did he call us “Barnaby and Tiger”!? It’s Tiger & Barnaby! I go before you!
Lloyds: I told you it’s Barnaby who’s getting these offers, didn’t I?
WT: Yeah, but so what-
Lloyds: We have to leave now, so stop wasting time and get ready.
WT: Rock Bison again?
RB: Hey, I remembered-
B: What are you doing?
WT: Wrong number.
Lloyds: Look, we’ve got to go.
WT: Come on! Please wait!
SH: Sky High-
DK: And Dragon Kid-
DK & SH: With their ultra popular Gourmet Bulletin!
SH: Today we’re paying a visit to one of the Sternbild’s sushi bars.
DK: I love sushi!
SH: Everyone loves sushi!
DH: But wait, we also have guests today, don’t we?
SH: We sure do! The Hero duo that made its debut just a short while ago. Barnaby! And then Tiger!
WT: Barnaby and Tiger, okay?
SH: Eh?
B: I see you now agree that you are the rear.
WT: Gah! It was a slip-up! I got lead into it!
DK: What are you talking about?
WT: Uuhhh... Hi! I’m Wild Tiger from Tiger & Barnaby!
B: Hi, I am Barnaby Brooks Jr.
SH: Do you two go to any restaurants and such together?
WT: Ahaha, totally n-
B: We do.
WT: Y-yeah, we totally do!
SH: So that means you sometimes go to sushi bars and-
WT&B: Of course.
SH: Perfect synch!
DK: Oh, oh, these Sternbild Rolls look delicious, don’t they?
B: Indeed. Even their appearance is exquisite.
SH: Alright! Me and Mr Wild shall go first.
SH: This is-! I give it a High! What do you think, Mr Wild?
WT: Yeah! It’s like, you know, that... It tastes like, uh... It’s really rough!
B: Old man. Look at the cue card.
WT: Hm? ”We have no idea what you mean”. Gah!
B: What else did you expect?
B: Well, I suppose it’s our turn now.
DK: Dig in!
B: Hmm! The chef’s skill is quite obvious. The saltiness spreads in the mouth; it’s like eating the jewels of the sea.
SH: The jewels of the sea! What wonderful phrasing! I’ll make sure to learn it and use it in my reports!
WT: You sure you should?
SH: Eh?
WT: What about you, Dragon Kid?
WT: Heey? Any comments or something?
SH: Er, no, she’s here just to eat things.
WT: Wha?
SH: When you’re looking at her, everything looks tasty. Haha!
WT: Uh-huh... I see.
WT: Well, the sushi was just too delicious and I kinda got carried away and kept eating, so now I’m...
WT: Geeeh, the pain! I can’t move!
B: Nobody was forcing you to eat it all up.
WT: Gheh...
B: And you kept eating even when the camera wasn’t on you.
WT: Guh... But they’d made so much food- Guh-! It’d have been rude to leave some!
B: Well, what you do is up to you of course, but I suggest you start thinking about the consequences, too.
WT: Consequences?
Lloyds: Yes. You’re scheduled to appear in a different gourmet show right after this one.
WT: Ghweee!? But I won’t survive that! And why are there so many food shows, anyway!?
Lloyds: If you don't like it, you can quit.
WT: Ghn... I will eat.
WT: It’s a dispatch!
B: It seems a large passenger ship has been seajacked near the Bronze West District bay coast.
Lloyds: We’ve got no choice. I will cancel the rest of your today’s schedule myself, so please proceed to your transporter.
WT: Hell yeah! It’s my turn now!
B: Weren’t you supposedly immobile just a few moments ago?
WT: It’s different when there’s an incident!
B: You are a quite self-interested person, aren’t you? Reports of crime incidents generally aren't seen as a cause for celebration.
WT: Let’s go, Bunny-chan!
B: How many times will I have to repeat it? I am not Bunny, I am Barnaby.
WT: Who cares about the details!
Seajacker: Do what you’re told or we’ll fucking kill you!
Girl: Help me!
WT: That’s the ship, huh. Okay, we’re going in!
B: I need to gather some intelligence first.
WT: This is no time for that! Something could happen to the hostages in the meantime and then what!?
B: Boarding the ship blindly is dangerous.
WT: I know all about your ulterior motives. You’re thinking about how to best hog the spotlight, aren’t ya?
B: And if I am?
WT: I’ve been putting up with you up until now, but when we’re on the scene things are different! Watch that!
OC: Okay, got it!
WT: Are you really happy with just feeding the cameras and selling your name? That’s not what being a Hero is all about!
B: Heh. One day, your careless and simplistic thinking will be your undoing.
WT: What did ya say!?
BR: Hey, you two! You’re taking my screen-time! Get out of my way!
BR: My ice is a bit cold, but your crime-
SH: Skyy Hiigh!
BR: But I wasn’t done!
People: Amazing!
Kid: Hurray for Sky High!
FE: Dammit, I missed it by a hair.
DK: Yeaah, Sky High stole the show.
WT: Look at what happened! Now we’re left with nothing! It’s all because of your slow-ass planning!
B: There is no guarantee that jumping in blindly would have resolved the incident any faster.
WT: I totally would have!
B: Those are just words, and words are empty.
WT: Youuu-!
RB: Come on, don’t fight. Anyway, you got it already?
WT: Huh?
RB: You know, the amusement park mascots’ names.
WT: You’re still going on about that!?
OC: I think one’s called “Poison”...
WT: You just can’t bothered to remember things yourself, huh!?
RB: That’s not true!
OC: Right, please ask me!
RB: And how I’m supposed to remember that, anyway! Look, those mushroom-like things yesterday-
B: Are you talking about Poison and Mokkun The Second by any chance?
WT: Huh!?
RB: Yeah, that’s it! Whew, I feel much better now!
OC: But I said that already...
WT: So that’s what they’re called, huh.
RB: Wow, thanks, Barnaby!
B: Don’t mention it.
RB: You’re gonna be a way more dependable man than Tiger, that’s for sure.
WT: Gah!
RB: We’re rivals, but go easy on me, will ya?
WT: You sure talk big for someone at the very bottom of the ranking.
RB: You are there too, you know!?
B: I feel the same.
RB & WT: Wha?
B: As a fellow Hero entrusted with keeping the peace, I am looking forward to seeing your efforts, Rock Bison.
RB: You’ve got a way with words, don’t ya? But I’m not gonna lose to a youngster!
B: Heh. I am glad to hear that.
WT: So once again it’s zero points for me. My start this season just sucks.
Lloyds: What was that mess!?
B: I am deeply sorry.
Lloyds: Tiger, you are guilty too! “Heroes are there to protect people”!? You can start saying that after you actually achieve something!
WT: My bad.
B: I am sure it was because he was exhausted from all the PR activities today. I must apologize. The job offers were mine and yet I made him accompany me the whole day.
WT: Huh? Aahh, no, it’s not like I mind or anything. Since we’re a duo and all...
Lloyds: Oh, I’m glad to hear it. I shall reschedule the cancelled gigs then. Good luck with your PR activities.
WT: Nonono, that’s not what I meant-
Lloyds: Tiger. Your answer.
WT: ...Yes, sir.
Lloyds: Good. You two are now dismissed.
B: Then if you’ll excuse us.
WT: Goodbye.
B: I will be going ahead.
WT: Barnaby!
B: Yes?
WT: Thanks.
B: Excuse me?
WT: For uh, patching things up for me. You can be surprisingly nice, huh?
B: Well, since we’re a duo and all.
WT: Yeah, you’re right.
B: Eh?
WT: “Discovering and understanding each other’s true nature can only happen between two people; everything is possible because the two of them are together; this is the ideal that we’d like to show as Heroes”. Right? Alright! How about we mark the occasion of us getting closer? A glass or three? My place, okay?
B: No, thank you.
WT: Eeeh!?
B: I don’t see why I should go drinking with you.
WT: W-well, you know... You yourself said that we should discover and understand each other’s true nature, didn’t you?
B: I said it as a part of my job.
WT: Whaaat!?
B: Oh, please. Old man, you don’t seriously think I am going to be accompanying you in private too, do you?
WT: Gah! I was an idiot to expect anything else! And stop calling me an old man! Keep it up and I’ll stop liking you!
B: I do not care if I am liked or not. Outside of my work, that is.
WT: Yeeesh!